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Difficult BridesmaidsBridesmaids are supposed to be there for you. To support you. Love you. See you through the most exciting – and often stressful – day in your life.

But if you talk to even a few brides, you’ll hear a common complaint: “There’s always one.”

Yup, just like everyone has that one family weirdo who goes berserk at Christmas, most brides have one or more difficult bridesmaids who turn out to be a bit of a disappointment.

That’s not to say it’s always the bridesmaids’ fault. If you’re a bridezilla, you might just reap what you sow. Bridesmaids are not doormats for your pre-wedding freakouts (although the best bridesmaids will gently talk you down when you’re stressing). Unfortunately, though, bridesmaids occasionally turn out to be selfish, needy, unsupportive, or just plain complainers.

Bridesmaid Help: 5 Coping Tips on Difficult Bridesmaids

1. Be clear from the beginning. If a bridesmaid understands your expectations, she’ll be more likely to live up to them. Just don’t expect everyone to drop everything for your wedding. This is the most important day in YOUR life, not theirs. (And yes, that means that if your best gal pal says, “I don’t want to be a bridesmaid,” you should respect her wishes or risk ruining your friendship.)

2. Communicate. Got a bridesmaid who hates the colors you’ve chosen? Doesn’t want to be dragged to another dress shopping outing? Talk to her. Let her know you’re sensing she isn’t happy with you and ask why. No, it’s not an easy conversation, but it is the adult thing to do. You might just be surprised at how much the tension lifts with one honest chat.

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3. DO NOT bend over backwards. You can’t please everyone. Yes, do your best to make things easy on your bridesmaids by paying for their hair and makeup, choosing affordable apparel options, and not piling up a bunch of to-dos, but don’t apologize for your reasonable choices and requests. If your difficult bridesmaid doesn’t like the flowers you chose, too bad. She can pick what she wants when she gets married. Dreaming up your perfect wedding is what being a bride is all about (next to actually getting married!).

4. Be the bigger person. So you’ve got a crappy, difficult bridesmaid. Does it matter? Yes and no. Yes, because your feelings are probably hurt. No, because you can treat the whole ordeal as an exercise in letting things go. The last thing you need on your wedding day is bridesmaid-induced stress, so have a chat with yourself and refuse to let it happen. You can always lean a little more on other people.

5. Cut her. Did I just say that?? Yes, I did. If a bridesmaid is really over-the-top awful, ask her to step down. You should definitely reimburse her for her dress, etc. but if having her there will literally ruin your day, just say no.

Bridesmaid etiquette dictates this drastic measure should only be taken when a bridesmaid actually sleeps with your FI or physically assaults you (YIKES), but The Alternative Bride says that if a bridesmaid has done something that will truly make your wedding day unhappy and you really couldn’t bear having her there, then don’t. Just be prepared to say goodbye to the friendship, too. How to fire a bridesmaid? Be direct, honest, and mature.

While we’re on the subject, remember to be super grateful to your bridesmaids. They’re shelling out a lot of money to be there for you and that really means something. Remember that these people are your closest gal pals, so be gentle. And if you need bridesmaid help with issues that make you cringe, take a deep breath. At the end of it all, you’re still going to be married to your man… and that’s what really matters.

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