Home » Wedding Planning » Wedding Etiquette » How to Ask Parents for Wedding Money

how to ask parents for wedding moneyIf you’re one of the lucky brides, you already knew who would be paying for what before you ever were anywhere near engaged – so the question of “who will pay for my wedding?” never had to come up.

If not, it’s up to you to broach what can sometimes be a pretty sensitive situation: how to ask parents for wedding money.

Before worrying about how to ask for money for a wedding, you’ll find for the most part that people who were always planning to help pay for your wedding will come forward on their own once they find out you’re engaged, without you having to say a word.

However, sometimes people do wait to be asked. If that’s your situation, simply arrange a time to get together. You might feel weird bringing it up, but most parents should expect to be asked if it hasn’t already come up in conversation, since there is an element of tradition there.

When you do have “the talk,” don’t just blurt out, “Are you going to help me pay for my wedding or what??” Instead, simply say, “Hey, we’re working on our wedding budget right now and were wondering if you were planning on contributing.”

If the answer is ‘yes,’ you’ll find out right away. If the answer is ‘no,’ you’ll probably get some degree of hesitation. In that case, you can just say, “Oh, you’re of course under no obligation, but we just wanted to ask so that we had a realistic number.” Be casual about it, get your answer, then move on.

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If this approach for how to ask parents for wedding money feels too direct for your liking, you can try a less straightforward tack – but be forewarned that your reply will also probably not be very straightforward. You could try just sliding in the topic of money while discussing your wedding in general, for example by saying, “Yeah, we’re just looking into how much everything is going to cost now and trying to figure out a budget.”

If that’s the route you choose, be prepared to read between the lines. Someone who wants to contribute to your wedding costs will likely pipe up at that point. If they don’t, it’s probably safe to assume they were never intending on giving you any money. Yup, there’s still an element of “maybe” in there, but if you aren’t going to ask a direct question, it can be tough to get a direct answer!

By now, you probably (hopefully) know that the whole “bride’s family pays for everything” rule has gone the way of the dodo. These days, who pays for a wedding doesn’t have a clear-cut etiquette rule. The groom’s family might pay, the bride’s family might pay, or the families may split it. You and your hubby-to-be might chip in or cover everything yourself. You may have other relatives who insist on contributing.

There’s no right or wrong here, which is wonderful but also means that you are not entitled to anyone’s money. Sorry, but that means that if your parents don’t want to chip in for whatever reason, that’s their call. Your best approach is to simply ask the question and then be gracious in hearing the response.

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