How young is too young for a flower girl?
How young is too young for a ring bearer?

Well, let’s start off by saying that the ideal flower girl age range AND ring bearer age are both 4-8 years old.

However, that’s just a guideline and obviously every child is very different. If your expectations are flexible, it’s absolutely possible to have a younger ring bearer or younger flower girl.

Don’t make them stand up with you. Your maid of honor, best man, and all other attendants will stand up with you throughout the ceremony, but for the love of Pete, PUH-LEASE don’t make your flower girl and ring bearer do it! Children – especially young children – get really antsy, really quickly. It’s cute to watch teeny-tiny kidlets walk down the aisle, but it’s distracting to have to witness their fidgeting throughout the ceremony.

Have your young flower girl and young ring bearer’s parents near the front of the ceremony venue so that after they have walked down the aisle, they can sit down. When it’s time to deliver the rings, the ring bearer can get back up again, give you the rings, then sit back down. Trust me: you will regret trying to force a three-year-old to stand up with you through your entire ceremony.

Don’t make them recess with the rest of the wedding party. Unless there is an adult bridesmaid or parent they trust to walk out with, just let the kiddos stay with their parents. Walking down that big aisle all alone was enough work for one day.

Younger child attendants are more unpredictable. The younger a child is, the more likely it becomes that something unexpected will happen. Will your flower girl get scared and cling to mommy and daddy? Will your ring bearer unleash an ear-piercing temper tantrum?

Well, yeah, maybe. But if you’re prepared for this scenario, it shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

Have a Plan B. As a bride, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “everything has to go my way.” And seriously, it’s understandable that you’d be bummed if your flower girl or ring bearer simply refused to make an appearance. But, if you choose a flower girl age range or ring bearer age that is younger, you need to prepare yourself that something may happen.

Simply have a backup plan. Have a groomsman at the ready to cart the rings down the aisle. Decide that if the petals don’t get thrown, it just doesn’t matter. I mean, at the end of the day you’ll still be married – plus you won’t feel very good if your wedding traumatizes one of your favorite children. Even adults get stage fright in front of all those people; what makes you think a child won’t? So just let them take the lead as far as what they’re comfortable doing.

Another good idea is to have the flower girl or ring bearer’s parent at the back of the aisle with them. That way, if the child refuses to go or wants an adult to hold their hand, a parent will be on stand-by to take care of the child (and perhaps coax them into their flower girl duties or ring bearer duties).

Infant ring bearer or infant flower girl? Okay, well, that’s a little different. It’s still okay to make that adorable child your flower girl or ring bearer, but it’s unrealistic to expect them to actually do something. Consider making them an honorary flower girl or ring bearer. They’ll still add the cuteness factor, but without much risk.

All in all, try not to get too fussed and expect your young ring bearer or flower girl to NOT do exactly what you want. Besides, the unpredictability of children is part of their charm; the cutest memories are always made when you just let kids be kids.

(And PS: Pocketfuls of bribes are never a terrible idea with toddlers. 🙂 )

Want more? Here’s How to Set Your Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Up for Success.