If you’re one of those lucky brides who has an involved groom, congratulations!

If, however, you’re struggling to get your fiance to take interest in wedding planning, know that you are not alone. Let’s face it: many men simply don’t get how special the wedding is. It will help you to understand just where your groom is coming from.

“I asked her to marry me, so that was the hard part. In my heart, we’re already committed for life,” said one groom we talked to. In other words, he had to work up the nerve to pop the question – scary stuff! Now that that’s out of the way, he may have a hard time getting amped for the wedding because to him, it’s the marriage that’s important. (Aww!)

Now, we know that the marriage is important to you, too, of course! But that doesn’t mean you aren’t pumped to plan the shindig of the century. Here are some tips to help get you through it and help get your man in on the action:

1. Remind him it’s a big party with all his friends. Everyone likes parties and surely your guy will have some opinions on things, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.

Sneaky Trick: Suggest serving only girlie drinks with teeny cute umbrellas and you’re sure to get some kind of reaction!

2. Give him tasks he’ll enjoy. If you try to make your man pick out china patterns with you, it’s your own fault if he glazes over!

Sneaky Trick: Give him two options, one he’ll hate and one he’ll love by comparison. For example, say, “Honey, I really need you help: Would you rather go with me to the florist or shop online for your tuxedos?”

3. Ask for his help. Don’t just expect him to jump in; chances are he’s terrified of screwing something up. (Hey, at his baseball game, would you just run over and pinch hit without checking with him first? Probably not!)

Sneaky Trick: Guys need to feel needed. Give your man a clear task with a deadline and tell him he’ll be your hero for life if he can help out. He’ll jump at the chance to be your number one. Don’t forget to give him lots of praise and rewards (wink!) once he’s succeeded.

4. Choose your battles. We know, we know – there’s a real temptation to coerce your FI to check out bridesmaids’ dresses and flip through bridal magazines. Unfortunately, that’s a major yawn for your dearly beloved and, hey, do you even want his opinion on those things anyway? What if he says, “Those dresses are too pink?” Are you really going to change your plan? (I didn’t think so.)

Sneaky Trick: This one is for you: learn to let things go. Chances are the wedding – not the marriage, the wedding – matters more to you than to your man. And that’s okay. If it really matters that he’s involved in something, say so. If not, feel free to go it alone or, if you really need to, solicit the opinions of someone who is dying to be more involved, such as your sister or mother-in-law. You’ll probably avoid an argument and hurt feelings if you do.

5. Be yourself. It is so beyond common for brides-to-be to get so wrapped up in wedding planning that they become virtually unrecognizable to all who know and love her. If we’re describing you, be aware that your groom may be thinking, “Who is this woman and what did she do with my fiancee?”

Sneaky Trick: Sorry, this one isn’t very sneaky, but it’s valuable advice: force yourself to take a day a week that is wedding-free. We’re sure you’ve heard this before, but trust us when we say it will do wonders for your groom’s sanity… and yours too. There is life outside of your wedding – we promise.